So, when are you having kids? Me: Just stop, thanks.

I am a 32 year-old, married woman, loving Aunty, kick-arse Step-Mum and a pretty good friend. I love my photography, love blogging, love travelling and just generally hanging out with the people I love. My friends and families love to ask about what the next trip is, how my photography is going, if I am still making jam (new hobby, loving it by the way) and how I am.

People who I do not know on a personal level, I work with or I am not close with want to know when I am going to have a baby. Do you know what my answer is soon going to become? That is none of your business, go away now.

Now this conversation or blog that I am writing does not extend to my inner circle, because at the end of the day I am comfortable to speak about this with you.

Is anybody else my age/gender/relationship status sick of being asked by strangers (or even nosy family members who are NOT as close to you as they think they are), asking you this question? When was the last time you were asked if and when you were going to get pregnant, or if you were trying or why you were waiting so long? Special mention goes to the guy at work who I did not know from a bar of soap who greeted me on my first day back from my Honeymoon with ‘You better not wait too long, or they might end up all munged up’. Charming.

I want to talk to my pre-baby peers, my fellow women out there who do not have children and are, quite frankly, sick of being asked about it. Nobody ever asks me about my period, or my flow, or my pre-menstrual pain. No-one seems particularly interested in my sex-life, my personal relationships, views on politics or religion, my diet or the type of car I drive. People don’t care about my career plans, stance on global warming or if I am an organ donor.

So – can someone please tell me, why my, why OUR wombs, ovaries, and our ability to reproduce or in their eyes, our biological responsibility to do so is up for conversation?

These things are private and I’m sure if I do have children one day, I’ll have a whole new post on what is or is not appropriate to ask a pregnant woman. For now though, that’s none of my business. I haven’t experienced that, it has not yet been part of my narrative or my journey.

I want you to think next time you go to ask someone if they are pregnant / are trying to get pregnant / or if you personally think they are risking the natural order of things in not having a child. Just stop, think for three seconds and if you are still sure (read: rude), continue with your question/comment/judgement.

Maybe we have been pregnant? Maybe we have had a baby and adopted it out. Maybe we can’t have children. Maybe we can and we don’t want them. Maybe our partners cannot have or do not want children. Maybe some of us have no genitals….

All I ask, that as I approach 33 and as we head towards 2019, that you please – just avoid asking us these questions. Be sensitive to those around you. The person you’re asking may be sick of defending why they aren’t having children. They may have had a radical hysterectomy. They may be infertile. Their partner may be infertile. They may have had or are having a miscarriage. They may have had a termination. They may be up to their fifth round of IVF. Or maybe it’s just none of your business and you could ask them literally anything else about their lives.

Maybe I am speaking on behalf of every other woman of my age who is sick of feeling uncomfortable, judged, or ridiculed. Maybe I’m not. All I ask is that you be sensitive, read the room, mind your business and be kind.

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Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ or share the post so I can see! 

I only ever talk about my own personal experiences and adventures, places and locations which I love and think you will too!

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x C x

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So, this is thirty….

Something a little different today, because we aren’t always travelling – sometimes we are saving, exercising, working and waiting for our next escape! This can get monotonous and boring though and it can be all too easy to slip into bad habits!

Women’s Health Australia performed a longitudinal study on Women’s Health starting in 1995 and assessing over 58,000 women around Australia. The study was performed via surveys every three-years and it looked at chronic disease, health service use and systems, social factors in health and well-being, health in rural and remote areas, women and mental health, roles and relationships, intergenerational issues, tobacco, alcohol and other drugs, weight, nutrition and physical activity, mental health, ageing, health service usage, formal and informal work patterns and work-family balance, caring and reproductive health. The study is ongoing and the results have really spot-lighted the gaps in Australia for women’s health.

I thought I would try to summarise what I know to be key points for women in their 30’s to build a foundation of good health. We are all so unique and individual – but these are what I have heard time and time again. At a quick summary – here are the basics…

  • We need to maintain a healthy weight
  • We need to keep our skin looking fresh and youthful
  • If we have any reproductive issues – anything from getting pregnant – or not – to dining appropriate and effective birth control
  • We need to prevent bone loss; and
  • We need to reduce stress.

It is not that simple though – we also require bi-yearly (and sometimes annual) pap-smear checks, we perform our own breast checks, we need to monitor our energy and iron levels. We run homes, have careers, maintain our relationships and attempt to have a social life – as well as be there as a carer, counsellor, lover, partner, parent, finance controller and admin assistant in every avenue of our lives.

Oh – and our metabolism slows – so its an uphill battle with an exercise program and diet. PLUS we have wrinkles, thanks to our skin cells now forming slower – so don’t forget the proper cleansing process twice a day.

If, like me, you have not yet had children yet – then you start to feel the pressure from those around us, the media and medical information. Too bad if you are aiming for good health, want to be financially secure and possibly be established in your career/relationship and self; because guess what? Your eggs are going one by one and that clock is a-ticking!

Watch your teeth, your diabetes risk, your eyes, your pelvis, your breasts, your blood pressure, your sexual health, your thyroid, your skin (skin cancer risk), your weight, your immunisations, try to avoid the flu and make sure you are getting enough sleep.

However for stress levels it’s probably pretty important you just go with the flow and be a calm and happy ball of sunshine – you know, whilst remembering absolutely everything else.

So – lovely women of the world – what are your tips? How do you manage? What is your best advice? Lay it on me, I want to draw from your knowledge and experience!

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ or share the post so I can see! 

Please note, I have not been paid any sponsorships at all for this post, however some of the links in my blog posts may be affiliate links, meaning that at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.

I only ever talk about my own personal experiences and adventures, places and locations which I love and think you will too!

To follow me on Instagram click here – courtneygaye_travels

To follow me on Facebook – you can do so here – Courtney Gaye Travels FB

If you are a Pinterest fan – you can find me here – Courtney Gaye Pinterest

x C x

The clouds have cleared and the sun is shining.

Today marks one month since I changed my medication. I started Lovan on 17 August 2017, after a five day break of no medication between coming off of Mirtazapine cold-turkey.

When I first started Lovan, I caught a cold and was a little worried as I initially thought I was having some reaction (itchy throat and eyes) to the new medication. It turns out it was just a common cold though.

I took the pills for a week and a bit and had my next GP follow up on 25 August 2017. I was feeling more positive, more in control, less clouded by anger, anxiety, rage and paranoia. I understand this is not all medication, as it takes longer than that to kick in – I DO however believe there was an evidenced change from stopping the Mirtazapine, starting the Lovan and generally feeling as though I was in charge of my mental health.

For the two first weeks, whenever I would lose my concentration or feel out of sorts (forgetful or teary), I would remind myself that I was doing the best I could and that I was ‘taking charge of my mental health’, it became my little mantra.

By the third week I was really feeling better. I was less paranoid, I wasn’t suspicious, I was not crying as much. Not finding fault in the actions of others. I was looking at my Husband with clarity and love which I used to look at him with.

I knew the biggest test of all was coming, the anniversary of my Father passing, it was always a tough time of the year for me. Which I have now written extensively about in my previous few posts. Surprisingly, when the anniversary rolled around – I took the day off of work, looked through some old photos and cherished positive and nice memories of Dad. I did have a little cry in the morning but I was not distraught like I normally am.

We then headed off on a ten day holiday, which we returned from yesterday, Our holiday was so relaxing, I read books, ate good food, went swimming and re-connected with my Husband. It felt truly wonderful.

I head back to work tomorrow, which is always sad but I have to be honest – I have only cried once or twice in the past week and a half and it was once when I was thinking about our wedding anniversary coming up (happy tears) and once when we were listening to our wedding playlist whilst getting ready to go out on our holiday.

I have really decided to pay attention to my mental health, to listen to my feelings and to lend my ears to those who need help. The journey is not over, it will never be over, however I do feel as though the fog is clearing & I am going to do my very best to be more in tune with my loved ones.

I am forever grateful to those who have read along here and supported me along the way. Much love to you all x

And after the past 18 months of torment, it was truly magical to shed happy tears.

Lucy

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