So, when are you having kids? Me: Just stop, thanks.

I am a 32 year-old, married woman, loving Aunty, kick-arse Step-Mum and a pretty good friend. I love my photography, love blogging, love travelling and just generally hanging out with the people I love. My friends and families love to ask about what the next trip is, how my photography is going, if I am still making jam (new hobby, loving it by the way) and how I am.

People who I do not know on a personal level, I work with or I am not close with want to know when I am going to have a baby. Do you know what my answer is soon going to become? That is none of your business, go away now.

Now this conversation or blog that I am writing does not extend to my inner circle, because at the end of the day I am comfortable to speak about this with you.

Is anybody else my age/gender/relationship status sick of being asked by strangers (or even nosy family members who are NOT as close to you as they think they are), asking you this question? When was the last time you were asked if and when you were going to get pregnant, or if you were trying or why you were waiting so long? Special mention goes to the guy at work who I did not know from a bar of soap who greeted me on my first day back from my Honeymoon with ‘You better not wait too long, or they might end up all munged up’. Charming.

I want to talk to my pre-baby peers, my fellow women out there who do not have children and are, quite frankly, sick of being asked about it. Nobody ever asks me about my period, or my flow, or my pre-menstrual pain. No-one seems particularly interested in my sex-life, my personal relationships, views on politics or religion, my diet or the type of car I drive. People don’t care about my career plans, stance on global warming or if I am an organ donor.

So – can someone please tell me, why my, why OUR wombs, ovaries, and our ability to reproduce or in their eyes, our biological responsibility to do so is up for conversation?

These things are private and I’m sure if I do have children one day, I’ll have a whole new post on what is or is not appropriate to ask a pregnant woman. For now though, that’s none of my business. I haven’t experienced that, it has not yet been part of my narrative or my journey.

I want you to think next time you go to ask someone if they are pregnant / are trying to get pregnant / or if you personally think they are risking the natural order of things in not having a child. Just stop, think for three seconds and if you are still sure (read: rude), continue with your question/comment/judgement.

Maybe we have been pregnant? Maybe we have had a baby and adopted it out. Maybe we can’t have children. Maybe we can and we don’t want them. Maybe our partners cannot have or do not want children. Maybe some of us have no genitals….

All I ask, that as I approach 33 and as we head towards 2019, that you please – just avoid asking us these questions. Be sensitive to those around you. The person you’re asking may be sick of defending why they aren’t having children. They may have had a radical hysterectomy. They may be infertile. Their partner may be infertile. They may have had or are having a miscarriage. They may have had a termination. They may be up to their fifth round of IVF. Or maybe it’s just none of your business and you could ask them literally anything else about their lives.

Maybe I am speaking on behalf of every other woman of my age who is sick of feeling uncomfortable, judged, or ridiculed. Maybe I’m not. All I ask is that you be sensitive, read the room, mind your business and be kind.

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Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ or share the post so I can see! 

I only ever talk about my own personal experiences and adventures, places and locations which I love and think you will too!

To follow me on Instagram click here – courtney_brisbaneblogger

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x C x

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Mindfulness: the the state or quality of being mindful…

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Mindfulness. Meditation. Taking a minute. Navel-gazing. Self-indulgent contemplation of oneself. Useless? Maybe. Maybe not.
If you are like me, and you struggle to take a minute for yourself, you may be in the same boat I am – struggling to wrap your head around mindfulness. My mother bought me a book called ‘Hurry up and Meditate’…six years ago…I never finished it.
It turns out mindfulness is much more simple than barricading yourself in a zen room and chanting to whale music with the smell of incense around you. It can be short, simple little exercises which I have really tried to practice myself.
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  1. Taking a minute to have a stretch, rest your eyes and have a yawn. Don’t feel like yawning? Pretend, then you will actually yawn pretty soon after. Particularly if you work in front of a computer, the eye rest is really important. Try to do this every hour, event if you just pick 1 or 2 stretches.
  2. Breathing exercises. How many of you, like me breathe very shallowly? When was the last time you really took a deep breath in and paid attention to it? My Mum passed along to me the 4-7-8 breathing exercise, also known as the ‘Relaxing Breath’. It takes no equipment, can be done anywhere and helps with stress almost immediately. How? Exhale completely through your mouth, make it audible. Close your mouth and inhale through your nose, counting to four. Hold your breath for seven. Exhale again, through your mouth over eight. Now do this three more times.
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  3. Mindfully eat something. It sounds funny, but if you are scoffing food mindlessly at your desk, on the couch, or whilst working (who else eats their lunch at their work desk and forgets to take a breath?). Use all of your senses to eat something, touch it, smell it and sense it. Savour its taste. Grapes are a good starter food for this.
  4. Be kind about where your mind wanders. Our brains are such amazing things, really – don’t fight your thoughts. Just for one minute, go with it, follow the trail your brain wants to go down. Don’t react, just go with it. Practice your breathing and pay attention to any common themes. It might be what your brain wants to focus on.
  5. Listen to a song you love. Put your headphones in. Listen to the song, listen to the words, feel the music. Take a moment for yourself and enjoy the senses of music.
There are also a stack of mindfulness apps available for your smart phone. The top five which pop up in the App store when I search for them are:
*Calm
*Headspace
*Smiling Mind
*The Mindfulness App; and
*Mindfulness: The Art of Being Human
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I have tried Calm, Headspace and Smiling Mind and have liked all three of them. You will need to find what works for you, please share with me any hints or tips you have!
These may or may not work for you, but the above five I have found to be very helpful. One day I might even have the patience for mediation, but for now – those listed above are what helps me :).
Thank you for reading, as always.
x C x
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ or share the post so I can see! Please note, I have not been paid any sponsorships at all for this post. I only ever talk about my own personal experiences and adventures, places and locations which I love and think you will too!
To follow me on Instagram click here – courtneygaye_travels
To follow me on Facebook – you can do so here – Courtney Gaye Travels FB
If you are a Pinterest fan – you can find me here – Courtney Gaye Pinterest
x C x