I am a 32 year-old, married woman, loving Aunty, kick-arse Step-Mum and a pretty good friend. I love my photography, love blogging, love travelling and just generally hanging out with the people I love. My friends and families love to ask about what the next trip is, how my photography is going, if I am still making jam (new hobby, loving it by the way) and how I am.
People who I do not know on a personal level, I work with or I am not close with want to know when I am going to have a baby. Do you know what my answer is soon going to become? That is none of your business, go away now.
Now this conversation or blog that I am writing does not extend to my inner circle, because at the end of the day I am comfortable to speak about this with you.
Is anybody else my age/gender/relationship status sick of being asked by strangers (or even nosy family members who are NOT as close to you as they think they are), asking you this question? When was the last time you were asked if and when you were going to get pregnant, or if you were trying or why you were waiting so long? Special mention goes to the guy at work who I did not know from a bar of soap who greeted me on my first day back from my Honeymoon with ‘You better not wait too long, or they might end up all munged up’. Charming.
I want to talk to my pre-baby peers, my fellow women out there who do not have children and are, quite frankly, sick of being asked about it. Nobody ever asks me about my period, or my flow, or my pre-menstrual pain. No-one seems particularly interested in my sex-life, my personal relationships, views on politics or religion, my diet or the type of car I drive. People don’t care about my career plans, stance on global warming or if I am an organ donor.
So – can someone please tell me, why my, why OUR wombs, ovaries, and our ability to reproduce or in their eyes, our biological responsibility to do so is up for conversation?
These things are private and I’m sure if I do have children one day, I’ll have a whole new post on what is or is not appropriate to ask a pregnant woman. For now though, that’s none of my business. I haven’t experienced that, it has not yet been part of my narrative or my journey.
I want you to think next time you go to ask someone if they are pregnant / are trying to get pregnant / or if you personally think they are risking the natural order of things in not having a child. Just stop, think for three seconds and if you are still sure (read: rude), continue with your question/comment/judgement.
Maybe we have been pregnant? Maybe we have had a baby and adopted it out. Maybe we can’t have children. Maybe we can and we don’t want them. Maybe our partners cannot have or do not want children. Maybe some of us have no genitals….
All I ask, that as I approach 33 and as we head towards 2019, that you please – just avoid asking us these questions. Be sensitive to those around you. The person you’re asking may be sick of defending why they aren’t having children. They may have had a radical hysterectomy. They may be infertile. Their partner may be infertile. They may have had or are having a miscarriage. They may have had a termination. They may be up to their fifth round of IVF. Or maybe it’s just none of your business and you could ask them literally anything else about their lives.
Maybe I am speaking on behalf of every other woman of my age who is sick of feeling uncomfortable, judged, or ridiculed. Maybe I’m not. All I ask is that you be sensitive, read the room, mind your business and be kind.
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please ‘like’ or share the post so I can see!
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